Him: You just have all the answers, don’t you.
Me: No, not all the answers. But I can Google the rest.
Archive for the Category »Yes We Really Do Have These Conversations «
19
September
Him: You just dumped your covers on me.
Me: I’m sorry. I was hot.
(pause)
Me: You’re only going to steal them during the night anyway.
Him: That is not true!
Me: Yes it is. Every morning when I make the bed, I have to pull the covers at least two feet towards my side cause they’re all on yours.
Him: It’s not me.
Me: Oh no?
Him: It’s the curvature of the Earth.
24
July
Him: (from the kitchen) Tomorrow we’re going to try something different!
Me: **concerned look**
Him: Duckling!
Me: **concerned look**
Him: It tastes like chicken.
Me: Then why buy duck? Isn’t chicken cheaper?
Him: Ok, it doesn’t taste like chicken.
05
July
Him: Aren’t you going to go in the water?
Me: No.
Him: It’s refreshing.
Me: It’s cold. Besides, I have a theory about the water. All these people lay around on the beach all day, but you never see anyone leave to use the bathroom. I think they take a quick dip in the water whenever they have to pee. They relieve themselves right in the water that everyone is swimming in and then come out and say, “Ah, that’s ‘refreshing.’”
Him: Of course! Hell, I did it yesterday.
Me: What?! That’s disgusting.
Him: Stacey, since the Pilgrims landed in 1620, people have been peeing in Massachusetts Bay.
Me: Ewwwwwww!
Him: My father peed in the bay, and his father before him. And so on and so forth. That’s just the way it is.
Me: Yeah, I’m not going in the water.
20
June
Me (snuggling the cat): I love you, Dante. Even though you drink from the toilet and will probably infect us all with your parasites.
Him: That’s a great name for a punk rock band.
Me: What?
Him: Parasitic Cat.
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