I guess I’m one of those people who foolishly believes that medicine will make you feel better right away. But then I suppose these days we’re all about instant gratification.
When I was diagnosed with Lyme disease, I was experiencing fatigue, some achiness, and constant headaches, but that was about it. Since then I have heard about the large variety of horrible and sometimes debilitating symptoms associated with the illness. Even with all the frightening stories of arthritis, Bell’s palsy, and heart attacks, for several days I was confident that that wouldn’t be me. Oh no. I had caught the disease early and the antibiotics were going to kill off the infection before I could develop so much as a fever.
Right.
The fatigue slowly worsened. But, hey, I’m sick. That’s just my body wanting to rest, I told myself. Then my knees and elbows began to hurt and frequently cracked or popped when I moved. Yesterday I woke up to severe aches all through my back. My sister kicked me in the back once when we were kids – hard enough that my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. This was like she kicked me multiple times. Like someone had kicked the shit out of me.
That pain alone was miserable enough, but then for some reason yesterday I was able to keep nothing down. Not foods. Not liquids. Not my medicine. Not even plain water. After awhile I swore that even breathing air was making me violently ill. Several times I closed my eyes and controlled my breathing so I would sleep before I retched. The first time it worked. The second time I woke out of a sound sleep and made it only so far as the hallway.
I can’t even count the number of times the Captain picked me up off the floor because I got too tired to make it from point A to point B in one straight shot. People tell me I look exhausted, but I know they’re really thinking what only the Captain is blunt enough to say: “You look like hell.”
Today I feel better than yesterday (thank all that is holy), but still feel lousy. I think about the war going on inside my body and wonder what effect the medicine is having. I wonder how much bacteria is still coursing through my system. And I worry over whether or not there are symptoms still to come. Paralysis of half my face isn’t exactly something to look forward to.
I have to remember that eventually I’ll be healthy again. Yeah, for now this sucks. A LOT. But I’m going to get better. I’m going to be fine. As much as I whine, in the grand scheme of diseases, this could be so. much. worse. (But, sadly, I’m sure I’ll still whine anyway.)
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