The Captain’s friend: I like to think of my chicken as dinosaur meat.
(I assure you the conversation only got stranger from there.)
The Captain’s friend: I like to think of my chicken as dinosaur meat.
(I assure you the conversation only got stranger from there.)
Grandma: (to my sister’s friend) You must tell me, your skin is so nicely tanned. Is that tan real?
Friend: I’m Puerto Rican.
Grandma: Oh! (pats girl’s hand) Well, you’re a very nice color.
“One day I come to work and I see a car parked in front of the building that says NYPD. I think, ‘New York Police Department! Oh my God, why are they here? What kind of trouble is someone in?’ Then I get closer and see the car actually says New York Pizza Delivery.”
Young Host (as he passes a table seating Dad, Mom, three boys, and a little girl): How’s everyone doing over here? I hope Santa was good to you all. How’s your dinner?
Eight-Year-Old Boy: Yeah, excuse me, I ordered a Miller Lite awhile ago and no one brought it to me yet.
Young Host: Oh, sorry about that. I thought you wanted a vodka on the rocks. Hey, eat up your dinner for Mom and Dad.
Dad: They were strays. We picked them up off the street. They’re not our children. They just looked like they needed a meal.
“My father is Richard too. But he’s Dick and I’m Rick. Initially my parents planned to call me Dick too, but they decided it would be bad to have a ‘Big Dick’ and a ‘Little Dick.’”
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