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The Skinny
06
November
by TouchedByMadness

Every bride wants to look her best on her wedding day. I think we can all accept that as a statement of fact.

Great. Now just keep that in mind as you continue reading.

Over the last several weeks, the leaves fell off our trees. We even had a couple of snow flurries. This is bad because naked trees and frozen precipation sort of depress me. And make me want to eat cookies. That’s when I realized that the wedding is right at the end of winter . . . right at the time that I usually have to put down the s’mores because I’ve gained fifteen pounds. Awesome.

I thought about the two bags of Kit Kats I managed to eat in as many weeks. I thought about the email asking me if I wanted to cancel my gym membership because I hadn’t been there in so long. I thought about all the food-centric holidays coming my way between now and the nuptials. And I made a very rash decision.

Our company just started their second installment of the Biggest Loser contest. Do I need to lose weight? Meh, not really. But I certainly don’t need to gain any either. (Dress alterations are expensive!) Why couldn’t I use the program simply to inspire me to get healthy? So despite ridicule and irritated expressions, I signed up.

Holy shit, people.

Week 1: Horror sets in when I am handed a thick packet and informed I will have to write down every single thing I eat for the next twelve weeks. Paranoia ensues. The Captain has to coax me into eating a piece of my sister’s wedding cake as I repeat “But I have to write it down!” over and over to myself. By the next weigh in, I’ve lost two pounds.

Week 2: Shamed by disapproving looks when I handed in my blank exercise journal, I return to the gym. Jogging on the elliptical nearly kills me. When did exercise get so hard? Paranoia over food recording makes me a little crazy. I start sneaking Kit Kats when no one’s looking. I account for a fraction of them. The next weigh in shows no change.

Week 3 (this week): Sudden rebellion against the diet I didn’t know I was on. I begin eating crap from the vending machine. A LOT. Then I feel guilty and try to make the snacks sound less terrible in my food journal. Lapses of memory are frequent. Recording accuracy suffers. Fear of weight gain makes me fidgety, as if twitching will burn off the calories.

I see a weekend filled with exercise in my future. ::sigh::

Category: Crash & Burn, Fitness Fun, Wedding  5 Comments
No Fitness Friday Post This Week
27
June
by TouchedByMadness

Too much on my mind.

Category: Crash & Burn, Fitness Friday, Fitness Fun  Leave a Comment
Fitness Friday: Week 6
20
June
by TouchedByMadness

I know, it seems like I just posted one of these, yet here we are again at another Fitness Friday. (Ok, it’s Saturday. So sue me.)

So, it’s been an interesting week. First of all, due to the eight gaping holes in my mouth, I’ve been more or less on a soup and pudding diet since last Friday. It’s difficult to make great nutritional choices when the hardest food I’ve been able to eat is pasta. God I miss steak.

Then there was the issue of exercise. I couldn’t even do yoga, my favorite, because the oral surgeon told me no being upside down (unless I wanted to make my sockets bleed, which, no thank you). Plus I had no energy to work out anyway since I hadn’t been able to eat much. I’ve been weak and tired whenever I’m not actually drugged and/or asleep.

Oh, and note to self: Pencilin makes you feel pukey.

Drama aside, let’s see how the week went:

Goal #1: Per my fitness fanatic friend’s advice, I will attempt to figure out what kind of food my metabolism requires to function properly. She seems to think my love of carbs could be to blame for my sleepiness.

In progress. I’m slowly reading through a book on metabolic typing. I’m going to have to actually pay attention to how my body reacts to different foods to be able to accurately determine what’s right for me. All I know is that the “healthier” I have been trying to make my diet, the worse I seem to feel. The book says that’s not unusual because each person’s dietary needs are unique and personal to them. I’m hoping my metabolism functions best on ice cream and doughnuts, but I’m not going to get my hopes up.

Goal #2: I will attempt to snack on protein-rich foods after my workouts. Above mentioned friend also informed me that this is necessary to keep my muscles happy.

N/A. My muscles didn’t need any rebuilding this week. They have gotten plenty of protein anyway since yogurt doesn’t require chewing.

Goal #3: If needed, I will cut myself some slack on the exercising and healthy eating because I’ll probably feel like hell for at least part of the week and won’t be able to eat anything much harder than pudding for awhile. I will not take the week off, however.

Achieved, I guess. I went for long walks twice during the week (when it wasn’t raining). Mostly I was forced to give myself time to heal. And somehow I managed not to eat loads of crap.

And now, onto my new baby steps to a kick ass body:

1. I will begin noting how different types of foods affect my energy level, mood, etc in an effort to determine why “healthy eating” makes me tired as hell.

2. I will get my butt back to the gym this week. At least twice.

3. I will do planks for 60 consecutive seconds every day. With minimal grumbling.

So, yeah, nothing too exciting to report here. If you’d really like to be inspired, Iasa biked 30 miles for one of her goals. And Jewelz? Well, she’s shifted gears from exercise goals to doing the Dr. Natura Colonix program. Good luck with that, Jewelz. I think I’ll stick with push ups.

Now I’m going to go watch it rain some more and remember the days back when the sun used to shine and I actually had the motivation for this fitness stuff. **sigh**

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~ Lao-tzu

Category: Fitness Friday, Fitness Fun  One Comment
Fitness Friday: Week 5
13
June
by TouchedByMadness

How the time does fly when there are goals to reach. Somehow it is once again Fitness Friday.

(Actually it’s Thursday, but by the time you are reading this I will be all drugged up after having EIGHT teeth pulled, including my four wisdom teeth. Judging by the fact that two of the wisdom teeth are impacted, they want me UNCONSCIOUS for the extractions, and I need to pay for two rounds of anesthesia, I’m thinking I’m going to be seriously doped up tomorrow afternoon. I figured you’d prefer a coherent post. Ok, odds are you’d prefer the drugged out of mind post, but whatever. This is what you get.)

Anyway, it’s been a pretty low key week with all the preparations for the surgery. (My desk currently looks like a pharmacy. I’m beginning to feel a little freaked out.) Between coordinating a driver to safely transport me home from surgery (by the way friends and family, thanks for being all “Not it!” about it), making sure I have mush in the fridge to eat once I have no teeth, and figuring out which of these pills I’m supposed to be taking when, did I actually attempt any of my fitness goals?

Goal #1: I will change up my workout routine. Although I’ve recently added in the yoga, I’ve been doing the same stuff at the gym for over a year now. It’s time I put together a new routine to challenge my body.

Achieved? I guess technically not going to the gym at all counts, but that’s not what I had in mind when I set this goal. I have been looking at a few fitness sites to try to find a good overall body toning workout. I’ve also decided that it’s time to branch out from the elliptical machine to the treadmill and stationary bikes. But honestly, I’ve gone home and crashed every day this week. Sometimes sleep is more necessary than exercise.

(I did go running on Sunday and did Monday Night Yoga, so I wasn’t a total slug.)

Goal #2: I will attempt to better control portion sizes at meals. Thanks to my mom, whatever you put on my plate I feel obligated to finish and the Captain puts a lot of food on our plates. All that exercising isn’t going to do a damn bit of good if I’m always devouring dinner like it’s my last meal. If I’m really that hungry, then I can go back for seconds.

Achieved. I’ve been using smaller plates for lunch since I have a tendency to fill up whatever real estate is open. The Captain has been reducing portion size at dinner as well. Not too surprisingly, we aren’t still hungry when we finish what’s on our plates.

Goal #3: I will attempt to jog a mile. For reals. I do more distance than that any time I’m on the elliptical, so I’m hoping I can run around a track without fainting.

Achieved. Hell yeah.

Now, with all this eating healthy and exercising and drinking water and sleeping eight hours a night and taking my vitamins, you’d expect me to have tons of energy right? But no. I’m always freaken exhausted. It’s nothing medical (according to my recent blood tests), so I have to consider other possibilities. Which brings me to my goals for the coming week:

1. Per my fitness fanatic friend’s advice, I will attempt to figure out what kind of food my metabolism requires to function properly. She seems to think my love of carbs could be to blame for my sleepiness.

2. I will attempt to snack on protein-rich foods after my workouts. Above mentioned friend also informed me that this is necessary to keep my muscles happy.

3. If needed, I will cut myself some slack on the exercising and healthy eating because I’ll probably feel like hell for at least part of the week and won’t be able to eat anything much harder than pudding for awhile. I will not take the week off, however.

As always, anyone can pick up Fitness Fridays with me. If you plan to participate this week, here’s what to do:

First, choose three goals for yourself that are reasonably challenging, yet attainable. Goals can be anything from “taking the stairs instead of the elevator” to “completing this weekend’s marathon.” Whatever is right for you. Fitness goals can also include eating smarter or getting an adequate amount of sleep. Basically anything that makes you a healthier you.

Once you’ve thought of your goals, post them on your blog so you are accountable to work on them over the next week. If you don’t have a blog, write them down on paper and post them on your wall, fridge, etc.

Finally, let other participants know about your goals so we can offer encouragement and congrats as you make progress.

Current Fitness Fridays participants include:

Jewelz

Iasa

That’s it for me. I hope you are looking forward to a better week than mine. I wonder if shaking the instant pudding counts as exercise.

Until next week . . .

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~ Lao-tzu

Category: Adventures in Adulthood, Fitness Friday, Fitness Fun  6 Comments
It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
08
June
by TouchedByMadness

Talk about testing my limits . . .

When I declared that jogging a mile would be one of my fitness goals for this week, what I failed to share was that the last time I had run a mile was for my high school physical fitness test. Which was over ten years ago. Yeah, I knew it would be a challenge, but hey, I’ve been exercising! I’ve been eating well! I’ve been trying to fake my way through push ups! I’m totally in shape! Whooooo!

I was visiting my mom for the weekend, so we made a trip out to my old high school. Despite the 80 degree weather and the midday sun fiercely beating down on me, my spirits were high as we trotted up the hill to the track. My mother parked herself in the bleachers to watch (smart woman) as I found my way to the start line.

Looking back on this moment, all I can say is, What was I thinking?!!! Again, the last time I ran a mile was in high school when I just barely passed that portion of the physical fitness test, clocking in at the maximum allowed time of 10 minutes 30 seconds. Yet, there I was on the start line doing hamstring stretches with a confident smile like I was expecting to qualify for the Olympics.

Riiiiiiiight.

The high school track is a quarter mile long. I swear it looks longer, but still, at that second I was sure I could totally conquer it.

I jogged the first lap. I made sure to keep my pace moderate so I wouldn’t spend everything too soon. Slow and steady, right? At first I felt great, but in a very short amount of time I found myself having trouble breathing. Controlling our breathing was never something they covered in gym class so my breaths weren’t rhythmic. They’re just loud. I panted heavily as I crossed the line for the first time.

I jogged the second lap as well, albeit a hell of a lot slower. My body was in full ache mode by then, shocked by this crazy running thing I was trying to do. I gasped for air the whole time. I mentally argued with myself over how bad it might be to quit after only a half mile. As I passed by my mother, between erratic shallow breaths I yelled, “This sucks!”

“You’re half done!” she hollered back. Which, while encouraging, didn’t prevent me from walking the third lap.

Even though walking was much easier on my muscles and my body actually wanted to break back into a run, my lungs felt like they were shriveling up in my chest. I wasn’t doing so great. The warmth of Mr. Sun wasn’t helping my situation either.

By the fourth lap I was jogging again. Already drenched with sweat, I was determined to make or beat my pathetic high school run time. I hit the third turn with an untied shoelace and began walking again. As I rounded the last corner I began to sprint, deliriously happy to see the finish line up ahead. 

At 10 minutes 40 seconds, I collapsed in the grass next to the track and thanked every deity I could think of that I had survived.

I had done it!

I could take only labored shallow breaths and couldn’t stop coughing, but I had done it!

I made funny noises when I tried to inhale, but I had done it!

I couldn’t get up and was fairly certain I’d have to crawl the cool down lap (instead I skipped it), but I HAD DONE IT!!!

So yeah, I managed to run a meager mile on a completely flat, paved track in a little under 11 minutes.

But I didn’t croak.

I’m calling that a victory.

Category: Adventures in Adulthood, Almost Greatness, Fitness Fun, Memoir  5 Comments
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