When it comes to being sick, I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. There is no in between. You’ll never hear me say, “Oh, I feel a bit under the weather today” as I delicately touch a hanky to my nose. The sniffles? That’s for amateurs.

When I come down with something, it is an EVENT. None of those 24 hour bugs. If it won’t keep me suffering in abject misery for weeks at a time, I don’t get it. 

Two weeks ago I was perfectly healthy. Yesterday I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with acute bronchitis and the beginnings of a sinus infection. I was also warned that if I’m not better in two weeks, I may have to worry about chronic bronchitis or perhaps pneumonia.

This morning I woke up with one of my ears painfully blocked up.

This afternoon I ate no more than two grapes before my body decided that it’s not accepting food anymore.

I’m calling bullshit on my immune system. This is ridiculous. If I polled a dozen people I know and asked, “What’s the last ailment you had?” I’d get answers like “chest cold,” “migraine,” maybe “diarrhea.”

Last ailment I had? Lyme disease.

Unless I want to win a contest for most sick days taken, this is not cool. My white blood cells better get with the program. My sister’s wedding is less than a month away, and I don’t need to be the asshole who ruins it by hacking through the whole ceremony and looking pitiful enough to detract a modicum of attention away from the bride.

Yesterday I bought healthy foods like fruits to help with the recovery process. Foods my body has decided will never see the inside of my small intestine. I’ve tried getting some much needed sleep, but my body isn’t exactly cooperating there either, even when gently coaxed with medication. I give up!

Every dark cloud does have its silver lining though. Being sick means two things:

1. NARCOTICS!!!

2. I finally have time to read your blogs.

Thanks for keeping me company as I bitch and moan my way though another illness.