I was awakened at 4:45 this morning when the Captain suddenly decided to spoon me and squeeze the life out of me.
“Hey. Are you snuggling me because you love me or because you’re cold?” I asked sleepily.
“Because I’m cold.”
[long silence]
“. . . But I do love you.”
“So in the amount of time it took me to put on my makeup this morning (all of ten minutes), the cats somehow managed to unroll, shred, and eat a significant length of toilet paper. Right behind me. Without me noticing. You may want to rethink considering me for future mother of your children.”
“Falafel shouldn’t be called falafel unless it has something to do with waffles. It’s too confusing.”
Having a bad morning.
Girl with large nose ring hit my car while bringing friend/sister to court.
Girl had no registration or insurance information on her, which didn’t go over well with the police officer.
Friend/sister complained that her back hurt. Not my problem, so I didn’t pretend to care.
Need a new headlight, bumper, and not sure what else.
Physical person still intact.
The Captain’s military ball is next weekend. Of course, because I’m not at all a procrastinator, I’m totally prepared:
* super hot red dress: Check.
* smokin’ body to put in it: Um . . .
* ultra-slimming undergarments to make up for lack of gym commitment: Check!
* shoes: Hmmm . . . I have only one pair of dress shoes. I guess they match.
* jewelry: Ha! Yeah, like I’ve even looked through what I own.
* evening bag: Oh, crap.
You can tell how often I dress up.
At least I have today to try to pull myself together. Otherwise I may end up like the little lost soul I was just before our gala in Vegas. Ten minutes before the event I was rushing from shop to shop desperate to find a clutch priced under $100 (a challenge, I assure you). All this while decked out in a cocktail dress and heels and carrying all my personal shit in my hands because I had lacked the foresight to pack a purse.
“Miss, you realize this bag is navy, right?”
“Yes.”
“Your dress is black.”
Please, I’m not colorblind. (Ok, maybe a little.) The black purse was $160. The navy one (which honestly was almost charcoal gray) was $30.
“I know, but I’m going to the Tao. It’s dark. No on will notice.”
This right here? Precisely the reason my sister tried to enter me as potential guest on TLC’s What Not to Wear. (I’m interested in fashion. I just suck at it.)
Anyway, what this all boils down to is that my fairy godmother hasn’t turned up to take care of the shoe situation, so I’ll have to engage in the dreaded chore of shopping today. The Captain (who is the whole damn reason I have to look nice) has chosen not to accept the mission. So it’s all me.
Oh dear.
I swear I’ll try to get everything to match this time.
Recent Comments