You could seduce me away from my boyfriend. Really, you could.

Even the most loving, committed, monogamous couples have those “fantasy freebies.” You know what I mean — the “I promise to be faithful and devoted to you unless I meet the following celebrities and they just happen to want to have sex with me . . .” list. It is a perfectly acceptable practice because your odds of being struck by lightning twice on the same day are exponentially better than your odds of ever meeting your fantasy freebie AND getting him/her into bed.

At least, that’s how it usually works.

But, you see, while the Captain’s selections might look something like this:

1. Julia Roberts
2. Angelina Jolie
3. that hot chick from that movie we saw a preview for once
4. the Coors twins
5. the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

my list would not be made up of Hollywood leading men, Calvin Klein models, or rock stars. I would not be secretly lusting after People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. I would not be wooed by fame, fortune, and cosmetically enhanced physical attractiveness.

No, my list would end up composed entirely of . . . bloggers.

For a long while, I was terribly disappointed that I would never run into any of my favorite bloggers in the grocery store, at a hockey game, or even at a popular local vacation spot. Only now am I beginning to comprehend just how fortunate that is. Because what attracts me to the opposite sex more than anything else is intelligence, humor, and eloquence.

If I met you (any one of my favorite male bloggers), I would instantly become a blushing ball of quirks. Your witty banter, while perhaps meant to put me at ease, would serve only to make me swoon. Your animated stories would cause me to melt. And each confidently uttered polysyllabic word would give me tingles.

Your command of language and extensive knowledge of grammatical rules would cause me to lose all reason and judgment. Your expansive vocabulary would have me completely mesmerized. With one well-placed comical anecdote, you would know I was captivated.

Wait, who’s that at the door? Why, it’s Opportunity!

You could totally seduce me away from my boyfriend.

Well . . . unless he starts blogging.