This post is part of the Grassroots Blogger Book Marketing Campaign 2008, and is meant to generate donations for The Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN).

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THE SEX TALK.

I never had it.

I’m not exactly sure who was remiss in this responsibility. I can only assume the discussion was left to my mother. In which case, perhaps it’s not so much that she “forgot.” I half expect to someday receive one of those instructional books as a wedding gift, gingerly and anonymously left on my bed. Then again, considering I now share a bed with the Captain, maybe not.

Growing up, my mother never discussed sex with my sister or me, except to tell us that we’d better wait until we’re married to try it. Something about eternal damnation in the fires of Hell. So, unfortunately, everything I know about sex I learned from the public school system.

And late night cable television. (Hello, Skinemax!)

Maybe parents expect that this material will be covered in school, sparing them the uncomfortable Birds and Bees lecture. What I recall being taught in sex ed. included a litany of STDs we could contract if we didn’t practice abstinence. That’s right, ABSTINENCE. Our educators clearly had some good old-fashioned values. We didn’t have any of those progressive type teachers who began the lesson with, “Class, this is a dildo.” Hell, we never even practiced swaddling bananas in ultra-thin, lubricated condoms.

Our memorization of 101 icky diseases guaranteed to make your pecker fall off was followed by a video on the “miracle of life.” To this day I believe the film was a far more effective deterrent than the STD scare. Everyone was able to bravely suffer through the slides of herpes-infected genitals. The vast majority of the class (myself included) sunk under the desks tearing at our eyes at the sight of a newborn crowning.

But hey, we all turned out ok, right? I mean, yeah, there was the girl whose yearbook photo featured her and her baby (maybe they should have shown the “miracle of life” video sophomore year). And while we weren’t sure exactly what an abortion was all about, we were pretty sure another classmate had at least five. Clearly those girls got their diagrams of what goes where.

One day I hope to have children of my own. And I know that someday it will be my duty to initiate the sex talk. I couldn’t say for sure what I plan to tell them, but I can promise it won’t be, “Uh . . . Google it.”

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