TouchedByMadness

Cats Don’t Poop on Command

My cats are adorable, affectionate, playful, entertaining . . . and not at all obedient.

It’s difficult trying to explain to a cat why I do not want her accustomed to sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. Or why I don’t like her on the counter “helping” the Captain prepare dinner. Or why climbing the curtains is a very, very bad idea.

So you can imagine how successful I was at getting Bella to produce a stool sample for me previous to her vet appointment on Friday.

I honestly didn’t think it would be so hard. Usually, as soon as I clean the litter box, Bella jumps in to make it dirty again. I expected her to follow this routine Friday, but she decided to sniff and dig without leaving me the sample I needed.

As befits anyone with a college degree and a decent level of intelligence, I consulted the cat on the matter as if that was the key to making progress, “Bella, we’re going to the vet this morning. I need you to poop. Go poop for Mama.”

She laid at my feet and rolled around on her back.

“Yes, you’re very cute. Go poop in your box, please.”

She batted at my shoe.

Over the next two hours, every time the cat ventured near the litter box I’d cajole, “Good girl, Bella. Good girl. Go poop for me.”

Not only did she decline to grant this simple request, but she also found it necessary to reply to my sigh of defeat by looking at me with the large, innocent kitty eyes that say, “I understand every word you’re saying . . . but you’ll never prove it.”