On the Subject of Being Short
Ok, it’s like this. I am about 5′3″. Maybe 5′4″. In no uncertain terms, this means that I am, in fact, short.
Yes, I am aware of it. I am conscious of my not-tallness. And while it is very nice of you to point out this detail to me and wait expectantly for me to revere your wisdom as if you had just imparted the meaning of life, in reality your identification of my vertical challenge is on par with saying, “But Lieutenant Dan, you ain’t got no legs.” Unfortunately, my darling Master of the Obvious, you are not as endearing as Forrest. Please leave me the hell alone.
Anyway, so what if I’m short? Sure, being tall is great if you want to be a supermodel, or reach the top shelf, or ride roller coasters, but really, being not-so-tall has its advantages too.
1. More men to choose from. Let’s be logical. Most women want to date taller men. (And most men I know don’t like their women to tower over them.) When you’re petite, pretty much everyone is taller than you. Now, I may not be good at math, but I figure that my smaller stature gives me quite a few more potential beaus than I’d have if I were, say, 6′1″. If you’re a short guy though, I guess you’re screwed. Sorry.
2. Less head injuries. I’ve seen the Captain smack his head into the chandelier more times than I can count. How many times have I done it? Not once.
3. Clothing alterations don’t require magic tricks. Hemming my pants six inches? Pretty easy. Lengthening your pants three? Not so much, beanpole.
4. Always enough leg room. What do you mean you’re squished? I think there’s room in the trunk.
5. Smaller strike zone. Either I’m going to get a sweet pitch right down the center or nothing but crap. Either way, I’ll be taking at least one base thank you very much.
6. A distinct advantage at Limbo. Unless you’re a contortionist. Freak.
7. Less likely to die in an electrical storm. Let’s face it. If lightning is going to strike one of us, it’s probably not going to be me. Natural selection, I guess.
So you see? Being short isn’t all that bad. Unless you really like roller coasters.